


Dereflect

by invisiblehabits



Category: Alice Nine, Jrock
Genre: Drabble, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-30
Updated: 2012-05-30
Packaged: 2018-04-11 01:35:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4416041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/invisiblehabits/pseuds/invisiblehabits
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A relationship, a proper one with more than just shared drinks and really good sex, required honesty. Tora was very good at honesty. Hiroto was despicably bad at it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dereflect

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: And I hide because there's more to me than what you see and I'm not sure you'd like the rest. I know that sometimes, I don't like the rest. (Taken from ‘I wrote this for you’)

Tora watched the small body lying next to him. Hiroto didn’t look serene when sleeping, he looked silly but adorable all sprawled out with limbs in weird angles. It wasn’t often he got to watch the younger sleep, Hiroto had a tendency to sneak out in the middle of the night after Tora’d fallen asleep. The first few times it’d pissed him off, now it merely left a dull sensation of hurt behind. Many times had he asked Hiroto to stay, because for all his dominance and upon-request-roughness in bed, Tora liked to wake up next to his lover. Nearly a year of regular sex later, he thought it was okay to refer to them as lovers. But it would seem Hiroto didn’t share the sentiment, because by morning he was always gone. Sighing slightly, and hoping for the best now that the other had actually fallen asleep, Tora pulled the small body close to his own and allowed his mind to shut down in rest. 

Hiroto woke up not long after, stirred from slumber by the movement and slowly awakened by the steady heartbeat now directly beneath his ear. It was nice to just lay there and listen to Tora sleeping, the thump-thump of his heart and the methodical rise and fall of his chest. Every so often he snored slightly, the sound more that of a breath stumbling past his lips than an actual snore. It was oddly cute, and it suited the tall man, who could be both unforgivingly dominant and ridiculously goofy, perfectly. He was easy to like, Tora, and Hiroto knew the older man wanted more from their relationship. Truth was, so did he, but he’d rather have this little for as long as he could, than throw it all away by trying to get more. 

A relationship, a proper one with more than just shared drinks and really good sex, required honesty. Tora was very good at honesty. Hiroto was despicably bad at it. It was easy enough to be liked by people, all you had to do was smile and crack a few jokes, laugh with people instead of at them. Once he learnt not to be upset when people laughed with him, or at him even, it’d gotten even easier. People liked him because he was easy to hang out with and didn’t throw a load of luggage on the table with the expectation on friends to help him sort through it. The price he paid was having a lot of friends, but none who truly knew him. 

And it honestly hadn’t bothered him before, not really. Some things were best left, if not forgotten, then behind. Hiroto had long since accepted his past, what had happened to him and how he could never tell anyone. All talking about it had ever gotten Hiroto was scorn, disgusted looks, and vicious words. Oh, and a slap from his mother, accompanied by the command to “never speak of it again”. At 16 years of age he’d listened and obeyed, like the good son he tried to be; ten years later he’d lost enough friends trying to explain to know it was better to simply not mention it at all. No one liked a whiner, and whining about the past wouldn’t change it.

Very carefully Hiroto wriggled out from the comfortable embrace he’d woken up in. Tip-toeing off to the bathroom he tried to clean up slightly, grimacing as dried cum tugged on what little body hair could be found on him, but still opting to not take a shower until he got home. Splashing some water on his face he braved facing his reflection, the sad childish eyes looking back at him when no one else could see. The hurt, the shame, the disgust. _’Don’t let him know!’_ that little boy whispered inside his mind. 

With a sigh Hiroto turned back from the mirror and shut the door quietly, the one to the bathroom as well as the one to his past. Mutely he moved around the room, found his clothes and belongings before stopping next to the bed. Tora looked troubled, a small frown indicating he wasn’t sleeping well. Part of Hiroto wished he could lay down next to him again, hold him and maybe, just maybe ease his subconscious back into peaceful slumber. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, barely audible at all over the Tokyo night traffic outside the window. “But I like the way you look at me, the way you see me. I don’t want that to change. I don’t want you… to see me the way I do.”

He resisted from touching the older in any way, though his fingers itched to push the coil of hair away from Tora’s face, and left the bedroom without another word. He never saw pale eyes open, nor heard the sheets shift as the older got out of bed. 

Had Tora taken the time to put on boxers he would’ve missed him, snaking an arm around a slim waste just as his secretive lover was about to slip out into the night. Hiroto gasped in fright, a shockingly loud noise in the quiet apartment. For half a heartbeat he thrashed in panic, until his mind recognised the thump-thump he’d woken up to. Familiar, safe, nothing to be afraid of. Or so he thought until Tora opened his mouth and whispered words into his soft hair that sent shivers through Hiroto’s entire body, “Let me make my own decisions. I want to see all of you.”


End file.
